


and blindly swear allegiance

by sisstrider



Series: Collective Consciousness Controlled [2]
Category: Dangan Ronpa
Genre: am i still ishimaeda trash Not Really, but now im canon/oc trash so RUN, mastermind ishimaru
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-16
Updated: 2015-02-16
Packaged: 2018-03-13 05:09:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3369020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sisstrider/pseuds/sisstrider
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He didn’t know it, but kindness was poison if it came from the wrong person.</p>
            </blockquote>





	and blindly swear allegiance

**Author's Note:**

> the first half of this is really old and the second half is rushed. Nice i actually edited this for once though instead of reading it over and hoping it looks fine

Soon after he had started school, Komaeda had gotten sick. He knew it was just his luck again — in exchange for getting to be in a school full of prestigious symbols of hope, his already poor health got worse. He could get through it. He didn’t mind what happened to him as long as he could be near people he idolized. At least that was what he thought until he steadily began to get worse and worse, his near-useless immune system standing by and doing nothing as the cold virus wracked his body. His classmates avoided him, sure he was carrying some kind of horrible plague. He honestly didn’t mind. It just seemed right for him to only be able to admire such talented people from afar. He didn’t deserve to interact with them in any other ways.

But then weeks and months passed, and Komaeda still didn’t seem like he was going to get any better. Though he knew this was what had to happen to him, he still hoped he wouldn’t die. 

He should have known that somebody like him didn’t get to hope. 

One day, after months of being miserable from his unending illness, he decided he was going to tell the headmaster that he wanted to drop out. He felt like he was finally dying, and from something as normally inconsequential as a cold at that. Komaeda didn’t mind, though. He really didn’t deserve anything better.

Whenever he went to the headmaster’s office, though, he could never gather the courage to go in and say it. Perhaps the headmaster would be disappointed in him, but — no, he wasn’t good enough for that. Most likely, he would be a bother but his request would be accepted easily, confirming the one thing he knew for sure but had wanted so badly to be untrue: that he didn’t belong in Hope’s Peak and had never been good enough to go there. That he had been nothing but a freak accident.

Whenever Komaeda was standing there, trying to force himself to go in, the door would inevitably open and the headmaster’s assistant would leave for the day, breaking his focus. He would usually step away so as to not be seen, and then leave, defeated. But one day he didn’t. The headmaster’s assistant wanted to know what he was doing there. He couldn’t just say he wanted to drop out, so he made up some excuse about trying to find the nurse’s office. Considering his sickness, the deception worked very well, but he had still said he was trying to find a room on another floor entirely. 

The most surprising thing happened, though: the headmaster’s assistant actually treated him decently. He seemed thoroughly exasperated with Komaeda, but that was one of the milder responses people had had to him. It was to be expected. But as he walked away and headed downstairs — not to the nurse’s office like he had said he was going to, but to his dorm — he found that he couldn’t quite get the headmaster’s assistant out of his mind. Anyone else would have just laughed at him and told him he was wrong, or ignored him, but Ishimaru had actually helped him. Komaeda decided he wasn’t going to try to drop out. He would stick around a little longer for the one person who had been kind to him. 

He didn’t know it, but kindness was poison if it came from the wrong person.

That kind of treatment from such an important person wasn’t something he deserved, though, and so Komaeda began to just watch Ishimaru from afar. When school let out, he would hide in the hallway leading to the headmaster’s office and watched as Ishimaru left the office. Sometimes he had to cough, but he suppressed it by holding his breath until he thought he would pass out, and only then did Komaeda let himself cough. Even when he did that, Ishimaru never looked his way, not even once, and that was just fine with Komaeda. It was the way things were supposed to be, and he really couldn’t ask for anything else because he didn’t deserve it. 

One day, though, Komaeda felt extremely feverish to the point of feeling that he was freezing cold, even though he was actually burning up. He still went to school as usual — by now everyone was immune to the cold virus he carried — but he was miserable the entire time. Honestly, he just wanted to die, but he would tough it out because there was one person in the world who didn’t think he was nothing but scum of the earth. It gave him a small sliver of hope to hold on to.

But of course, it was just his luck that his entire body gave out and he blacked out and collapsed in the middle of the hall. Everything he did had its consequences...but maybe it wasn’t true, because when he came to again, he was wrapped in a blanket and lying down somewhere. And the only person who had ever been kind to him was nearby. Immediately, Komaeda felt bad, realizing that Ishimaru had probably had to drag him out of the hall and bring him to...wherever he currently was. 

“Sorry,” he tried to say, but his throat was so sore that he could barely be understood. 

Ishimaru noticed and brought him a cup of what smelled like coffee, and Komaeda just stared at it. Somehow, Ishimaru must have known that he liked coffee, or maybe it was just a coincidence. He didn’t think that anyone would care that he drank coffee, anyway, unless it was so much of a problem that it was bothering everyone else. Other people besides him drank coffee, and it was a waste for him to drink so much. Among the people at school, he was the least deserving of anything. The problem was, drinking so much coffee had made him dependent on it. Not only was he sick and useless, but he had a substance dependency, as well, which in the end made him even more sick and useless.

Komaeda decided he would just take Ishimaru’s kindness, because he didn’t know if he would get a chance again. He gratefully took the coffee and gulped it down, sighing as the hot drink seared his throat and numbed the scratchy pain. “Sorry,” he said again, and it was much clearer this time. Ishimaru actually understood him.

All he had to say was, “Well, you passed out in the middle of the hallway!” 

Komaeda could only blink up at him, caught off guard by how obvious that statement was. “Yes, I’m...I did that,” he finally said, sitting up and cradling the cup in his lap. “It’s like I said,” he continued, remembering the only other thing he had said to Ishimaru. “I’m very sick.”

“And you still went to school?” Ishimaru asked. Komaeda nodded silently. “Your dedication is admirable. If you didn’t get other people sick, anyway.”

“I don’t think I did,” Komaeda said. “And anyway...I don’t want to be a complete waste, so I just went to all of my classes. I get sick all the time, anyway, but this is worse than usual,” he admitted. He started coughing as if to make his point, and Ishimaru poured him another cup of coffee, which Komaeda gratefully took.

“You were unconscious in the middle of the hall,” Ishimaru told him. “If I didn’t do something about this, you could be in much worse condition. I honestly think you could have died!”

Komaeda didn’t even flinch. The prospect of dying was nothing new to him, not anymore. But something about what Ishimaru had said stuck in his mind. “If you didn’t do something about it,” he repeated, staring down into his coffee. “But why would you do it? I’m not exactly anyone worth saving, after all.”

“Because nobody else would, if I didn’t,” Ishimaru replied. Komaeda gulped hard. He was right, Ishimaru really _was_ the only person who was kind to him. The only person who cared if he was dying. “And...and I don’t deserve it, so...” He shook his head. “There has to be something I can do to repay you. Anything.” He didn’t know if his eyes were playing tricks on him or not, but Ishimaru seemed to smirk ever so slightly.

“Well, there is _one_ thing,” Ishimaru began. Komaeda sat up fully and kicked the blanket off of him, shivering when the blast of cold air hit him. “I want you to help me,” Ishimaru said. 

“Help? Sorry, but I’m so incompetent that you’d be worse off if I was helping you than you are now!” Komaeda laughed, but Ishimaru didn’t laugh with him, instead remaining sternly expressionless. “Er...Sorry. I just don’t — I don’t think I _can_ help you,” Komaeda said. “Unless I drop off the face of the planet and you never have to deal with me again, that is.”

Ishimaru only shook his head. “No, I think you would be able to help me just fine. You can do more than you think, you know.”

“You act like there’s some...some kind of hope buried inside me,” Komaeda said, laughing scornfully. “There isn’t. There was never any hope for me.”

“I can’t think of any other way for you to repay me, though,” Ishimaru said. “I don’t need anything else. I only need help.”

Komaeda frowned, but it quickly turned into a look of determination. “If you want me to help, I’ll do that. After all, I would have died if it wasn’t for you, wouldn’t I?”

Ishimaru looked unsure. “I wouldn’t say it wasn’t for me...but I was the first one there! You could have ended up a lot worse, I think. Maybe. You could have just been put back in your dorm room, if anybody was willing to carry you.”

“Nobody would be,” Komaeda replied so quickly that Ishimaru was taken aback. “If you didn’t do that, nobody would have helped. I didn’t expect anyone to. I thought people would only step on me. I would have never dreamed that anybody as — as important as you would even think of helping me like this.”

“If nothing, you’d be an obstruction in the hallway,” Ishimaru said evenly. “A disturbance like that would need to be removed. And it’s my job to do things like that.”

Surprisingly, Komaeda was more comfortable with being spoken about in that dehumanizing manner. “I know...it’s a shame that all I can do is be an obstacle to the people here, yes? I know I’d never fit in with the likes of you, but it’s no reason to get in your way.”

“So...you’re saying that you have a problem with the people here? I think I understand. I don’t really fit in with them, either. Although, there are some people who I shouldn’t try to understand, really,” he admitted with a sigh.

“Eh? But you’re up there with the rest of them, aren’t you? You can’t just...not fit in!” Komaeda exclaimed. They were all supposed to be the best. Subdivisions weren’t possible, or rather shouldn’t have existed in his ideal world.

“But I don’t fit in. It’s because of how I think, really,” Ishimaru explained. “It’s nothing, though. Nothing that I can’t remedy, anyway. Don’t worry about it!”

“Well, if you say so,” Komaeda said. “Okay, I’ll help you.”

And so he became the assistant of the headmaster’s assistant. His tasks started out extremely simple — going through all the student files to make sure they were all there. It was easy and he didn’t get why Ishimaru needed help with that. Then again, he seemed like a very busy person. He wouldn’t have time for mundane tasks like that when there were other things to do.

Ishimaru was very easy on him, though. Even when he misplaced papers or forgot what he was supposed to be filling out — obviously, Komaeda made for a terrible secretary — he never got reprimanded much, even though Ishimaru was supposed to be notoriously strict. Maybe everyone else had been making things up, because he never experienced that. Perhaps it was because Komaeda was still recovering from his illness, but Ishimaru was extremely kind to him. Komaeda was glad there was at least one person in the world who was like that, and so he felt a strong loyalty to him, the only person who cared.

“Maybe you need to take a break!” Ishimaru had intercepted him as he was running back and forth from the copy room. All day, Komaeda had needed to run copies and bring them back to the office, and it was starting to wear on him. He still couldn’t breathe very well, though he was recovering decently from his cold. “Look, you look like you’re going to fall over any second now.”

“Huh? Oh.” Komaeda stood up straight, stopped leaning on the wall, and tried to smooth out his ragged breathing. “It’s nothing, Ishimaru-kun. I’m completely fine. You shouldn’t worry about me, anyway, the least I could do after you saved me like that is run myself to death for you.”

“Is that how you feel? It’s...a very strange way to express your gratitude,” Ishimaru said. “You’re very dedicated, aren’t you?”

Komaeda nodded. “Of course I am!”

“Well, do you feel a strong affiliation for me because I helped you out that one day?” Ishimaru asked.

Again, Komaeda nodded. “Yes, of course. If you’re so kind as to save even someone like me, then you deserve to have a dedicated helper, you know?”

“...If that’s how it is, then I think I can confide in you,” Ishimaru decided. He began to talk quietly, though nobody else was in the room. “I think today’s society is corrupt through and through! The people in power these days do terrible things just because their status allows them to. I should know better than anyone, one of those kinds of people is in my family. It’s why I’m so passionate about fixing the world, really! I have a vision of a new world where _nobody_ is corrupt and these terrible actions aren’t tolerated.”

“A new world...” Komaeda mused. “Isn’t that such a hopeful idea? And here I thought I was the only one who could have such big dreams!”

“I _do_ think I could create that world,” Ishimaru said. “But first, of course, this society would have to be completely destroyed.” He said it so casually, like he was talking about the weather or grades. “This would obviously be a large project, though...I need help, of course.”

“I see,” Komaeda said. “Would it be too much to ask if I could —”

“No, not at all! In fact, thank you for asking,” Ishimaru assured him. “Because I need help with one very big thing. Will you help me destroy society?”

“Yes.”

**Author's Note:**

> the title is also a reference to the same song the first one is
> 
> there im done with this thank fuck. thank fuck


End file.
